Tim Tester

As Tim Tester rocks back and forth in his rocking chair, smoking a nice Cuban cigar, and sipping his glass of American Ace Bourbon overlooking the Smokey Mountains he reflects on how his life turned out.  You see, Tim wasn’t always able to enjoy the finer things in life.  He grew up in a small row home in the one of the worst cities of America, Baltimore.   Because of this he naturally followed the path of every other kid born in Baltimore in the 70’s.

    Tim had a happy childhood.  He was a bigger kid so not many people messed with him, and he was able to pick and choose what they did when playing outside because no one wanted to upset big Tim.   So big Tim always got to be the cowboy when playing cowboys and Indians, and was always the cop catching the bad guys when playing cops and robbers.  But one thing he didn’t have was any cap guns or costumes because his family didn’t have any money.  So Tim learned at an early age that he could use his size to get what he wanted because other kids were afraid of him.  Tim also knew that when he grew up, he didn’t want to be living in the same house he grew up in and have the same money troubles that his family did when he was a child.  He knew to achieve these goals he would have to work hard, go to school, and save every dollar he could so he could leave Baltimore and live a quiet life in the Smokey Mountains of Tennessee.  To Achieve this, he came up with many ideas on how to make money, save, and work towards his life goals 

    Tim’s first business idea was to sell all of his toys and trading cards that he had accumulated over the years and this would allow him to start a bank account to save up to go to a good college so he could get out of town.  So he gathered all of his old army men, his wrestling figures, his Cal Ripken Jr, Boog Powell, and Brooks Robinson trading cards, and took them to the neighborhood park and was selling them to all the kids playing sports and playing on the playground.   His first day went great, he made $57, sold all his stuff, and really felt good about how things went.  So, it was time to celebrate.  Tim rolled up the bottom of his jeans, they were a little long because they were his dads old jeans, Tied the laces of his Converse sneakers, and sprinted across Edmundson Avenue towards the McDonalds.   When he made to the other side of the street he bent over, raised his hands above his head, and gasped for air.  He was winded, but Tim had just crossed the road for the first time by himself, and finally had his own money.  

    Once he caught his breathe, he skipped down the sidewalk and swung the door of the golden arches open and shuffled through the door.  His face lit up and he smiled ear to ear.  For the first time in his short life, Tim was able to buy whatever he wanted to from the menu.  So, he did what all kids do best and placed one of the worst orders from McDonalds that has ever been placed.  He ordered 2 Big Macs, 2 Cheeseburger Happy Meals, he knew they came with toys and that he could sell them on the playground, 3 milk shakes, one strawberry, one chocolate, and one vanilla.  He also ordered 2 apple pies, and a large coke.   The total of the order was $55.60.  Tim handed his money over, took his cup and filled it with a little bit of every soda in the fountain and took his tray to the table, where he devoured his entire meal.  He was so happy with what he accomplished that day, but he was right back to where he started, and probably worse off.  You see now he had no money, and no more stuff to sell except for the two California Raisins he got with the happy meals.  But this wouldn’t slow him down.  He went home, got his sisters Barbies and did it all again.  And this is how Tim lived for the next 6 years. He would go to school, put kids into their lockers, take their toys, and sell them back to them at the playground.  But he was never able to save any money because he couldn’t help but take that money directly across the street so he could eat at the beloved golden arches.    

    You see Tim didn’t have an understanding of money at the age but as he got older, he started to figure it all out.  The next phase of Tim’s life was probably the most detrimental.  Now in High school Tim met the love of his life, Marcy.   Time played football, Marcy was in the marching band, and they become High School sweethearts. For the first time in Tim’s life he now had to think about more than just himself.  He now had a girlfriend and wanted to be able to take her out on dates and enjoy their time together.  So, Tim got a job at a local lab.   You may be thinking to yourself, how at such a young age did he get a job at a lab, and so did Marcy.  She knew he was still in school, and most people at labs had degrees, but she was impressed and just knew that he had earned the job because of his brilliance.  What she didn’t know is that he had the worst job at the lab, and they were so desperate to have someone fill the position that they gave Tim the job.   The Lab studied the effects of drugs on animals and when the animals had bad reactions and died, they needed someone to transport and incinerate them to prevent any disease from spreading.  Most people were terrified of this job because of the contact with diseases and dead animals, but Tim loved it.  With the money Tim was able to earn from his new job he was able to take Marcy out to nice dinners, and on fancy dates to the local McDonalds and drive in movie theater.   Back in those days, the drive in was the place to be.  It was the one place a teen could go to be alone with his girlfriend and do what all Tester’s do, which is to try to have has many kids as possible.

    Marcy saw something in Tim, that no one had seen up to that point in his life, and fell in love with big Tim.   They spent every minute that Tim wasn’t working with each other, and just a few months after dating Marcy got pregnant.  She was so excited to be a mom and start a family and could not wait to tell Tim that he was going to be a father.  What she didn’t know was that Tim wouldn’t be as excited as she was.

That Friday when Tim got off work, he drove to Marcy’s house to pick her up.   She had some exciting news for him, at least that is what he was told. When he pulled into the driveway of Marcy’s family home, she saw the headlights and went running out the front door and jumped into the passenger seat.  She gave Tim a big hug and whispered into his ear, “I am pregnant, you are going to be a dad”

Tim’s jaw dropped to the floor, and then saw the look of concern on her face from his reaction.  He immediately straightened himself up, smiled and said “This is the best thing that has ever happened.  I can’t wait to be a dad!”

 Tim knew that this was not good.  He was so young, still living at home, and barely able to afford the dates he and Marcy were going on and now there was going to be a 3rd person that he would have to take care of.  But Tim wanted to do the right thing and wouldn’t let this slow him down.  He graduated from school and married Marcy.   While they were waiting for the baby to be born Tim got another job at a local radio station as a disk jockey playing greatest hits.  He would work all day at the lab and then hustle to the radio station and spin records for all of the Baltimore listeners.  He saved up enough money to buy his childhood home from his parents, moved Marcy in, and just a short time later she gave birth to a baby boy.  Tim was so happy, he had not achieved his goal of getting out of Baltimore, but he had a home, a family, and a little bit of money in his bank.  He was able to go out to McDonalds whenever he wanted, but happiness would not last long.

    You see over the next 5 years the Testers grew from a family of three to a large family of 6 and were still living in the tiny two bedroom row home that Tim has purchased from his family and that he grew up in as a child.  Tim’s bank now had less money in it than ever before, he was now sleeping on the couch, and he was suffering from depression, and didn’t know what to do.  About this same time Tim met a guy at work named Twan.  Twan felt bad for Tim.  He saw how hard Tim was working to provide for his family and how no one in his family appreciated him.  As he and Tim became close friends, he saw pictures of what Tim used to be like and what he was like now, and Twan learned about Tim’s dream of living in a cabin in the Smokey Mountains and being able to enjoy the sounds of nature.  

    So, one day while sitting at the radio station, Tim had mentioned to Twan that he had not received a gift for Christmas from his family and they didn’t even make him a card.  Tim was really upset about this and to be honest so was Twan.  So, Twan told Tim that he had an idea.  He told Tim that he knew of a guy named Shmo that was a real estate agent.  That he could sell his home in Baltimore, and buy his dream home in the Smokey Mountains.  Tim loved the idea but said there was no way he could do that because he would still need to work at least two jobs to be able to raise his kids and take care of his family. But Twan had a different idea.

    You see Twan had lived a hard life and had connections to people that were desperate for money and would do anything.  He still ran into old friend from his days of dealing and doing drugs. So, he told Tim that all they had to do was come up with a plan to disappear his family and then Tim could live his dream life.  The two of them contemplated all kinds of ideas.  The first idea was to burn the home down.   But that idea was quickly shot down because if they did that then there would not be a home to sell.   Then they contemplated hiring one of Twans old buddies to do the job, after all they all were in desperate need of some money.  But that was a bad idea because Tim didn’t have a lot of money and if they hired someone then there would be the risk of them getting caught.  The last person you want involved in a scheme like this is a drug addict.  They talked over ideas for many days and finally decided it had to just be the two of them involved or they risked being found out.  They  came up with a plan, and set a date.  They would carry out the plan the next Saturday.  Just 3 days after New Year Day.

    That Saturday Tim woke up, got the family ready to go to the wharf, and loaded up everyone into the car.  The Kids and Macy were all buckled into their seats, and Tim drove.  On the way to the wharf there was a tall bridge and Tim knew that Twan would be waiting on the banks by the bridge for Tim.  They planned for Tim to drive the car off the bridge, and that Twan would pick him up when he made it to shore.  As Tim approached the bridge, he rolled his window down, and took his seatbelt off.  This made Marcy curious as to what he was doing, so she asked him “Why did you take off your seat belt and roll down your window?”

Tim didn’t know what to say, so he floored it, steered the car off the bridge, and screamed “to be free!!!”

Tim dove out the window before the car smashed into the bay and swam to the bank where Twan was waiting.  Now cold and shivering from the freezing water, Twan and Tim looked back into the bay and watched as Tim’s old station wagon sank to the bottom of the bay.  For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, Tim was a free man.  Twan drove the now cold, but happy Tim back to his row home and they sat and took in the peaceful sounds of the birds chirping, the wind blowing, and the horns of boats off in the distance.   

For the first time in Tim’s life, he had some peace and quiet.  It had been so long since he was able to hear the sounds of nature, because of all the screaming and crying coming from children that he didn’t know what to do for the first 2 days.   So, he would come home from the lab, kick off his boots, open all the windows, and just take it all in.  The wonderful sounds and smells of Baltimore brought happiness back into big Tim’s life, but he still dreamed of making it to the Smokey Mountains.

The next day at the radio station, a now nervous Twan, who had not heard from Tim since the day of the tragic accident, was excited to see Tim’s big bald head come bouncing down the hallway.  Tim had a big smile on his face and Twan was wondering what was going on.  Twan pushed him into his office and asked, “where have you been?  Why are you smiling? Has anyone asked where the family is?”  

With a giant smile Tim replied “Nope, and I am just here to say goodbye.  I called Shmo, he sold my home, and I am headed to the Smokies!”

This brings us to today.  For the past 20 years Tim has enjoyed the peace and quiet of the Smokey mountains.  He wakes up every morning, makes a pot of coffee, and spends his days rocking back and forth in his rocking chair overlooking the valley.  He watches and listens to the peaceful sounds of nature.  He has finally achieved his goal of moving away from Baltimore.  He didn’t do it the easy way, but he did get it done.